Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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