Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
