Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
