i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
420 ftw
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
