I didn't shave. On purpose
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
