I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
