I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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