And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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