Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
