I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
