Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
