How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you never un-have a 4some
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
