We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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