he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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