Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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