thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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