you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
vagina is talking i cant
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
