Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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