i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
