I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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