she is the kim kardashian of front butts
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So apparently I’m into choking now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
