he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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