Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
