Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
