man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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