You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
