dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
