Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
