I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize