I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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