If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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