eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
