My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
