Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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