He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
