her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
