hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
