she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
