no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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