If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
