new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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