Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I didn't notice because vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize