at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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