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Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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