your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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