found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
