Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
