Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
