They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
