I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
