i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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