Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
