i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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