"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
