well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
this will be a night to untag.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
