I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
