i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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