I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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