I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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