Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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