i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
