Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize