he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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