I want to make a zoo with you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
