you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
