I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
