it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
