he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
