WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
