I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
