i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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