Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
