this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
