i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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